Originally Posted: Aug. 31st, 2006
Length/Rating: 264 words, not-PG (so much cursing. ALL the cursing), Gen
Pairing/Warnings: none
Summary: Not everyone is good at paperwork, and Matt would definitely be one of those people.

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John stared at the mission report for a long while, caught somewhere between laughter and frustration. While the newest gate team was good on the ground, their writing style left a lot to be desired. With a sigh he set about editing the latest submission into something a little less R-rated.

Mission Filename: #502 Revenge of the Goddamned Giant Lizards From Hell

[EDIT]

Mission Filename: #502 Dino Planet

Date: Yesterday

[EDIT]

Date: 12 July 2006

Planet Designation: Fucking hunk of rock and jungle that was hot as hell, complete with giant lizards that kept trying to kill us.

[EDIT]

Planet Designation: M7G-512

Purpose: To get the Goddamned ZPM that the Goddamned ancients keep leaving in the midst of Goddamned hell-holes of planets because they hate us. The really do. They probably planned this whole thing in intricate detail because they are fucking evil. EVIL.

[EDIT]

Purpose: To find the ZPM in the city as indicated in the Ancient’s notes.

Result: No we didn’t bring back the Goddamned ZPM, there was a dinosaur guarding it you moron. A really big fucking thing with giant teeth and eyes the size of dinner plates. Like that stupid fucking fairy tale with the three giant dogs. Those Ancients weren’t right in the head, seriously.

[EDIT]

Result: No ZPM.

Locals: Have all been eaten by the fucking dinosaurs.

[EDIT]

Locals: None encountered.

Possible Resources/Trading Opportunities: Really big omelets.

… [EDIT]

Possible Resources/Trading Opportunities: None.

Recommendation: C-4 and dino burgers, ’nuff said.

[EDIT]

Recommendation: Neutralize local wildlife through increased firepower and search ruins for ZPM.

[SAVE]