Random Worldbuilding: Welcome to Vampire City!

So here’s a thought, although a slightly overdone one: if vampires existed and everyone knew about them, what then? Assuming of course that these are vampires willing to ‘live in harmony’ and not the ones made from crazy-cake recipes.

1. People would put ‘vamp’ or ‘do not vamp’ in their living wills.
1a. Or medical bracelets.
1aa. Or tattoos.

2. Blood bank donations would be mandatory.
2a. I wonder if people have a ‘vintage’…
2aa. Or maybe the cheaper vamp foods are cut with animal blood. Sort of like whole milk and skim milk. Hmmm.
2aaa. In which case you could, theoretically, make a living donating blood to vampire wineries.
2aaaa. Which means the derogatory term ‘vineyard’ is up for grabs…

3. Making new vampires would be a tightly controlled process.
3a. Because other vampires are power-hording clichés.
3aa. Or they just are starting to run out of room in the nicer vampire neighborhoods.
3aaa. Because there’s not a lot of call for night shift work and ancient vampire fortunes will only support so many offspring.
3aaaa. Actually, vampire night shift might not be so bad, would be a lot less stressful in the high danger jobs.
3aaaaa. Vampire cabbies. Woo!
3aaaaaa. Bad Muses, no biscuit. *mutter*

4. There would have to be different legal punishments for vampires.
4a. ’20 to life’ would turn into ’20 to infinity’
4aa. For immortals incarceration is like a 5 minute timeout.
4aaa. Which means lots of ‘community service’.
4aaaa. Which could mean night-shift road work would be done primarily by law-breaking vamps.
4aaaaa. Under guard of more law-abiding vamps.
4aaaaaa. And lots of guns.

5. There would be a lot less picking up of random folks in night clubs.
5a. Because every conversation would start out with ‘Are you human?”
5aa. And probably end with ‘Oh.’
5aaa. Seriously, what else are immortal jobless vampires going to do with their lives?
5aaaa. Although sparkly vampires would rule the disco scene. *solemn nod*

6. … I’m still hung up on the vampire cab drivers, sorry. (Damned Muses)

Martha Bechtel

My name is Martha Bechtel and I write fantasy and science fiction stories, paint small model horses silly colors, cast resin and plaster magnets, code random code (and Wordpress plugins)... Come on in and join in the fun!

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