So I was thinking that Tales of the Drunken Unicorn is like the Anti-Buffy, for values of Big Bads that have no interest in harming humanity. There are werewolves and vampires and demons, but they all coexist quite peacefully. But that means that vampires can’t go around killing people… Which got me to thinking about how much blood a vampire really needs.

Humans have about 4-6 liters of blood in them. Which, looking at the 2-liter of Diet Coke sitting on my desk, is quite a lot. No way anyone would be able to down a 2-liter in the few minutes it takes the TV/Movie vamps to off someone. (Assuming 50% blood loss is instantly fatal)

Plus humans can lose (donate) a unit (450 ml) of blood without problems. Losing 800-1500ml requires medical attention (transfusion of crystalloids or synthetic colloids), but is survivable.

355ml if 12 fl oz or a can of soda. Now swap out two cans of soda for cans of soup and you get a decent vampiric meal. All without requiring the host to do more that grab a cookie and some fruit juice.

So really, why would vampires kill people? Unless the neck wounds are more along the lines of ‘whoops, was that your jugular? sorry’ the blood loss isn’t fatal.

And seriously, what evolutionary trait requires biting into a major artery? Wouldn’t it make more sense if instead of being hollow that the teeth were porous like a sponge? (–who lived in a pineapple under the sea–) Then no matter where they bit they’d be able to feed.

And don’t get me started about the whole ‘undead’ bit, or the ‘demonic possession’ or any of the other silliness that abounds.

…I do need to read that sparkling vampire book though, sounds amusing.

*wanders off*