There are more impressive jobs to be had, no argument there, but there’s something calming about it. Sowing and weeding, watering and pruning, feels good to get your hands into something real, you know? Went through a double-handful of jobs before I found this one, nothing ever really fit me well. Got good marks on the xenohusbandry side of things and one thing led to another and here I am.

Now I know not everyone loves what I do, but it’s a necessary thing. I shouldn’t have to show you the proofs and papers behind it, that’s your job, rooting out the facts and figures, I’m just here to show you the results.

Three hundred years of JeniForm’s careful management and I can tell you not one of the planets we manage has developed beyond baseline intelligence. Planicorp can’t say that, neither can Terraform Inc. and they’ve been around twice as long as we have. 100% success rate and no black marks on our records to boot. we’re the best of the best and we plan on staying that way, because we’ve got just as much at stake as the rest of you.

So you may not like us, may think we’re meddling in things best left to God or Darwin, but I do my job and you won’t ever have to worry about Martians invading because there won’t ever be any Martians. And sure, there won’t be any Vulcans or Wookies or anything else setting up shop next-door, but there’s plenty of other galaxies out there.

So sit back, relax, and I’ll show you how a bunch of dirtrats keep the galaxy safe.